Lorraine Kelly - The Exclusive 'We' in Scotland Wot Does Talk In A Particular Way...

 

Lorraine Kelly is sadly past her sell-by date. We used to really like her - sympathising heartily when she wept on the last instalment of TV-am, etc. But her style is cloying, sickly sweet and out of place now and, on St George's Day 2021, she actually echoed Nicola Sturgeon. Accused, unjustly, of neglecting to mention St George's Day on her little TV show, she responded: 'Keep the heid,' as we say in Scotland.'

Well, as Rudyard Kipling said, 'If you can keep your head when all about you are losing theirs...'

But 'keep the heid'?

It comes from 'keep your head on,' a highly popular phrase years ago across England, and still in use to a lesser degree today, which is used as a retort when somebody is perceived as being unreasonably stressed or irate.

But Lorraine couldn't simply say that.

Nicola Sturgeon likes dialect too - also trotting out the 'Keep the heid' motif, but who else says that in Scotland? My friends Mos and Rashida certainly don't.

Just as not everybody in Yorkshire speaks dialect.

Oh dear.

Is Scotland so provincial and parochial that to qualify as the 'we' in Scotland, one must speak the dialect?

Not a very inclusive country at all, really.

And we never forget the White Celtic myth of 1707, the 'what's ours is ours, what's yours is also ours' ethos regarding the oil, and the Barnett Formula (loathed by its late creator, Lord Joel Barnett), the West Lothian Question, and asymmetric national devolution in general.

Like so many, Lorraine has made a lot of money out of England.

Now, I'd have preferred it if she'd stayed in her own country, bleating away exclusively to the five million or so people there. Some of them are very into local dialect - including Nicola Sturgeon. To remain in her own land wouldn't have been such a money spinner for Lorraine because, despite the Scots' fantasy that Scotland is something huge, its population, as previously mentioned, isn't. But Lorraine obviously regards herself as part of an exclusive' 'we' that the vast majority of us aren't.

UK when suits, Scottish when it doesn't. And on St George's Day she can't resist bringing up her own country - that elite five million people, replete with their own parliament, the Barnett Formula, etc.

Well, as some dialect adherents say round here in this part of England: 'Haddaway to hame, hinny!'

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